If you’re the full-sized, front-driven sedan type, bigness and comfort surely loom large on your list of automotive priorities. But those who’d like a dose of sinister with their size—some ferocity with their fluff, if you will—have historically been forced over to the rear-drive side of the fence (we refuse to believe that the Taurus SHO is sinister), or they’ve trekked to Jackie’s House of Darkened Accessories in an attempt to mute the shiny happiness of their rides. “No more!” say the men working under the auspices of Louis Chevrolet. “We’re bringing Jackie’s House to your house!” And the proof of that word pudding is right here:  the upcoming Chevy Impala Midnight Edition.

Now, before we continue we should point out that the Impala pictured above is, in fact, the Blackout Concept Chevy brought to this year’s SEMA show in Las Vegas. That sedan served as the inspiration for the Midnight Edition, which should wear a similar motif. Powered by GM’s 3.6-liter, 305-horsepower V-6, the no-performance-added Midnight Edition should bow in late spring and nominally follows Nigel Tufnel’s “none more black” dictum. According to Edmunds, the snappy galoot will feature a blacked-out grille center-punched with a black bowtie badge. Wouldn’t a Flowtie stand as an even more potent symbol of the void, a yawning paragon of the inky null? We demand nothing less than utter nihilism, GM!

Per Billy Idol, she cries “More, more, more!” in the midnight hour, and Chevy gladly serves it up with black wheels, a black rear spoiler, black-painted mirror caps and black 19-inch wheels. The interior, is, of course, black. The thing is, it could be blacker. There still is some brightwork around the daylight opening. The lights are not blacklights. The wheels have some aluminum flash to ‘em. But with the witching hour close at hand, Jackie’s gotta keep the lights on somehow, right?

Tags: , , ,
Categories: